Sitting on the balcony, passing each smoke, I felt I am stuck, looking at the visions I had. Dreams that keep me awake, emotions from which I was running, letting them take hold of me one by one. Changing song after song, looking for that one which will understand me.
I am anxious, not frightened of passing through it, afraid of time passing and me getting stuck inside this circle.
Where I wake up, counter problems, unravel them, survive the day with my best and sleep and repeat. So fixed with matters outside, around me and overseeing the war inside me.
I am worried will I ever start battling for myself. Realising the potential inside and not being able to utilise it. Am I impatient? Hovering about this thought. Will the day come when I will forget about all these responsibilities I have for others? Will the day come When I will revolt for myself? When I will run wildly for my dreams, where I won’t care about losing or winning. I will be happy that I did it.
Or just by guessing that day will come, will it come. Or I have to make it start happening. Getting troubled by my thoughts, and dreams. These wakeful eyes ask me when the day will come.
Should I shatter the chains and start running away, toward what I can be. To use my full potential for me. To make my dreams true. For all those who hover over my shoulder, waiting for me to begin.
Who is stopping me! These obligations are handed over to me, will it let me be my own. It seems like the mud, the more I try the more I felt like drowning, Or should I let it sink me, Will someone would throw a thread. Or Is it me alone, do I have to push my way out.
I am out of answers, Yes I know, I am stuck. Do I have the determination to throw everything, cause being at this level I am not happy with what I have? Because I know I can have more, I can achieve a lot.
All this struggle made me realise what I am capable of. But what If I am pushing myself in the wrong direction, looking for a different way in future or Should I have to make my journey right on.
I don’t have the answer to the question, and I am writing it to let the universe know, that I need fucking answers. I am not being impatient, I just need to know how much longer, I have to win wars for other.
When the day will come when I will fight my crusade. I am striving for answers and I am being restless now for the answers, So I am writing it, I know most of us are. Let me tell all of you, Don’t wait! Let’s just begin.
Find your answer. Great things require greater sacrifice. Let’s sacrifice the fear and push all the pauses that stop you. The universe will answer till then shove yourself for the answers.
And Yeah I am still shuffling the songs, and I will keep changing until I find the right one and same way I will keep pushing till I find the right answer.
Do let me know if you find yours.