She is sleeping.

Mom was afraid, she was sobbing too. I was sitting with my dad, along with her. My dad had her in his arms. He was just trying something so that she can easily let her soul leave her body in peace without much pain. I don’t know but my dad is too strong or I can say too weak for showing emotions. At the age of 16 he lose his mother (my grandmother). So I can’t say anything. He had have seen a lot in his life. “She is gone” my father said. At that moment I can’t believe him. She show some movement like she was trying to cope with situation or I can say she was not willing to die. How could she? She hadn’t see the world much, not yet. My mother was crying and suggesting my father to keep her at floor so if she could vomit again. My mother was afraid, and then she saw the most terrific seen she was avoiding to see, that tongue comes out of mouth having blood on it. She was stretching her arms and legs like it was hard for her. She don’t want to give up easily. Her eyes went cold. I know, from a long interval, maybe from two years, I didn’t wish anything from god. And this time I just forget all the things that I made related to god. Like I am not going to rely on him, even in dark situation, I am not going to demand for any kind of hope. I am not going to ask for a single light. I was strong to face each kind of darkness. But today I was ready to give up everything, all I have. My fight, my darkness, I would do anything for her to be okay. I closed my eyes I pray to God, let her live. If you believe a piece of light is still in me then let her live or anothervise you will lost me completely to darkness. I closed my eyes I just concentrate my mind, I hold my hand on her, I was trying to do anything I can to let her live. Off the tv, sit aside, I said to mom. My father was trying to make her feel comfortable. Everything comes like flash back, from the Day I chose her till today. She was the true lover. No matter after how long interval I came back to home, she always love me, never complaint that why I always left her back. She used to dance around me until I pick her up in my arms and hold her tightly to my chest and then I do kiss her on her forehead. She get calm this way. She never said that she get tired, you could play with her whole day. She was so lovely. 

She 🖤 (maggie)

While she was in pain, her beautiful brown black eyes were becoming dead white. Her arms with which she shake hand, went straight.

I wasn’t feeling her heartbeat, is it her last time, I can’t just believe the thing. Maybe I am out of mind, maybe I am tensed right now, so  maybe that’s why I can’t concentrate, that’s why I can’t feel her warmth, I can’t feel her heartbeat. 

I just remember my today, mom was telling me that suddenly one of her shawl is missing. And she was trying to convince me that this is not the good thing. And I was making joke of her somewhat belief in dark  magic things. 

In morning I went with her on morning walk, and later it was me who took her to the roof, because it was sunny, and she was kind of enjoying it. Back in evening she hadn’t returned to his place in home. She was still on the roof, feeling like she was recollecting his memories. When she came down she went cold. She was trembling. Mom asked me to took her near the fire. I put her in my lap and sit nearby the fire. She was somewhat like slept in my lap, I loved it, till mom asked me to come back. 

Later she was still trembling somewhat and I found, she had vomit twice there. Mom changed the clothes, and give her food and warm water. Later before sleeping I went to her saying good night as I usually do. She was trembling, but it’s not just trembling, its just like she was afraid of something. I called mom. And my father came too, all of sudden he pick her in his arms, sat on bed, try to give her comfort as we do to small child to let them sleep. 

I was just regretting why I took her from the fire, she could be just fine. Maybe I could have done something so she wasn’t going through this. 

All of sudden everything comes to peace, but this peace was filled with darkness, everything was quite. I hear my father saying “she is sleeping now”.  I felt something good, I was deciding to talk with god till I felt the cold and silence darkness. I just understand what happend. I went to her kiss on her forehead as I usually do, but this time she didn’t react at all. And I said to my heart “She is sleeping”. 

That’s how she used to sleep.. 🖤

R.I.P. maggie 🖤.

dark_anki

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Comments

10 responses to “She is sleeping.”

  1. Monika sharma Avatar

    It’s really pain ful 😞
    ..& 👌nyc one. .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. anshikasharmablog Avatar
    anshikasharmablog

    I couldn’t control my tears the whole description is live in front of my eyes I could feel the pain as you did.
    I miss my those 2 – 3 days with Maggie I had enjoyed and loved her.
    R.I.P Maggie 😢😢

    Liked by 1 person

    1. dark anki Avatar

      Me too. 🖤

      Like

  3. Paroledipolvereblog Avatar
    Paroledipolvereblog

    So sad sorry

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mdhoffmannphoto Avatar

    Lovingly, honestly and powerfully written! Your words convey what I’m sure many folks go through – watching their close loved one die. Although I am a Christian, believing that there is life after death … still … the pain, agony, confusion and horror of death and dying of multitudes of people throughout history – many at the hands of mankind .. is no great comfort to me. However, you and I still briefly occupy our bodies in this wonderous world where at the same time people are dying, babies are being born. Somehow I have to trust that God the Creator will ultimately bring all pain, suffering and death to an end. And I believe that God through the crucifixion of Christ has also experienced the deep depth of pain and suffering at the hands of his own created beings. Our only real hope and even joy is to somehow continually experience God’s love, grace and mercy and then let it flow out into the lives of others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. dark anki Avatar

      Thanks your words carry peace with them. Thanks a lot for saying this 🖤.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. meximinnesotana Avatar

    This breaks my heart, but captures the feeling when we lose a pet and a friend so well. Thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. dark anki Avatar

      Your welcome 🖤

      Like

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